CROSS ROAD

A whole lot of memories rush into my mind as I sit relaxed on my arm chair at this age of 70. it’s a fine evening. I can feel the cool evening breeze brushing past me. I feel contented and happy. When I take a look at my past life I get a feeling of satisfaction of having led a successful one. I have had many ups and downs, sweet and bitter memories and experiences. But I still remember clearly a time when I had stood perplexed and confused not knowing what to do, whom to ask for an advice and what decision to make. It was like standing in front of a crossroad not knowing which way to turn to as I had the least idea where these may lead me to…

It happened many many years back. It was one of those cold winter mornings. I was lying in bed in the company cottage. From my young age itself computers had been a craze for me and so I had passed my software engineering with flying colors. But finding a job was not as easy as I had imagined. Nothing seemed to satisfy me nor the thrill I was looking forward to. I kept changing posts, shifting companies and was never stable at any place. It was then that I received the card telling me that I was selected as a trainee to one of india’s top companies in Bangalore. Of course, it was a big achievement for a boy in his mid twenties to be selected for such a good post. I felt very happy and light inside. Everything around me seemed full of life. Life suddenly felt very beautiful. Every single leaf of the tree, every morning dew on flowers seemed happy. Within one week I left for the garden city.

I was cock-sure about my success during the training period. So with my heart filled with hopes I went to meet the manager. It was then that I came to know that there was one more person competing for the same job. My heart sank when I heard this. I suddenly felt fear curbing me. So, after all things were not going to be easy. I went to the company cottage with a disturbed mind.

Now, almost an entire month was over and my opponent had not yet arrived. He had almost missed a major part of the training period. The fear in be began ebbing out. Suddenly I heard the door bell ringing. I lazily got out of bed and opened the door. A man in mid forties. He was very plainly dressed. He had a suitcase in his hand. He introduced himself as Subramanyan from Kerala. I stood there rooted to the ground. The man in front of me was my opponent or rather, my rival. We were to stay together. Even though he showed interest in talking to me, I never bothered to even look at him. I was treating him as my enemy.

Day by day he was proving himself to be better than me. He looked so dignified in his uniform. Even qualification wise he was one step ahead of me. The competition was becoming tougher. I in all means tried to please the manager and the top management. I submitted my projects with full sincerity. I was really working hard. But as months passed I began getting used to his ways. While I played badminton in the morning he used to get himself occupied with his yoga. I got used to seeing him eating curd and rice every day, doing his pooja and writing long letters home. I liked his way of taking things lightly and his sense of humour. But the thing that I liked most was his beautiful innocent smile coming from the depth of his heart.

Now, there was only one more month left for the training course to get over. The job was almost sure for me as Subramanyan had failed to attend the first one month. I was happy and proud of myself. I was looking forward to the end of the month. One evening as usual subramanyan and me went out for our evening walk. The sky was light red and cool breeze was blowing. My friend was lost in some thoughts I was feeling uneasy and disturbed for no reason at all. After a long period of complete silence he began to speak” why didn’t you ask me about my absence during the first one month?”. I remained silent. I looked at his face. He was looking down. I could feel his heart was throbbing to tell me something. He continued speaking. “ my father had passed away. Being a Brahmin boy, I had to do all the rituals and that occupied me for a whole month. My father had died drowning me in debts. Within two months the bank will take over my house. I really don’t know where I will take my wife and children to. You must be wondering why I am boring you with all my troubles”.

Actually I was. I was feeling pity and sorry for him. But I still didn’t understand why he was telling me this now. We usually never talked about our families and so I knew nothing about him. “if I get this job all my financial problems will come to an end. Now I am really in need of some money. I will never come across a good opportunity like this again. But then… ” his voiced trailed of. Now I clearly understood what he meant. He was looking at me. There was hope in his eyes. But my heart was aching inside me. “please…I know I shouldn’t be asking you this. But please think of the situation I am in. I have no other go. I have a whole family to feed and support. I am nearly begging you..”

That night we had a very silent dinner and that I couldn’t get a wink of sleep. I kept thinking about what he told me. He had really put me in front of a cross road. Subramanyan was badly in need of a job. He needed it more than me. Almost half of his life has been wasted in poverty and tears. This job would gift him a new life. Even ability wise I knew he was better than me. I knew he would do the job sincerely and would lift the company to heights. But still…what about my dreams, my hard work, my pain, my future. i had looked forward to this job so much.why should I sacrifice my dreams for a stranger. And after all who knows if he is saying the truth or not. But what if he was? Then my heart will be filled with guilt and his curse would haunt me for ever. I didn’t even know anyone in this place to ask for an advice.

It was the last day of my training period. That morning I got up early and left for the company. I placed my resignation letter on the manager’s desk. I knew my dreams were all shattered and hopes in vain. I never saw or heard of Subramanyan after that. Luck favoured me and I got a new job. Though not as good as the previous one, I was happy and content. I was so successful in every phase of my life. I never had to regret or look back. May be it was for my own good that I took that decision that day or be it is because I believe there is one innocent man constantly praying for me every day..

[THIS IS JUST A STORY]

My special friend..

It has been only an year since we first met.But to me it seems i know him for years.To me he was not just a friend but my best friend,my loving companion who had always filled me with hopes and confidence.

I first met him one saturday morning.I had rushed out of my house for tutions as usual after a big fight with mom. I had been fired for getting up late,for keeping my room in such untidy condition.(To my mom my cupboard seems as if a tornado has passed through it),for not finishing my breakfast, for not keeping my books clean,for not polishing my shoes.....the list goes endless.Even though i know i am at fault,i keep protesting ,arguing and shouting.. All our fights end in big shouts and i grab my books and jump out of my house.Hurrying towards the bus stop i was analyzing the incidents. "why am i like this?am i the only teenager who has problems with their parents?why am i so absent minded?i have got all the tutions in the world and yet there is no improvement in acadamics.Everything the teacher says seems 'blah!blah!'for me and the tutions are so boring that i feel like sleeping.Suddenly i heard a chuckling sound from behind. "Did you finish talking to yourself?".Someone asked and i turned around.There stood an old man round about 75 years of age.Not one strand of his hair was black.He was short ,fat but with a chubby face.He had a very sweet innocent smile that filled his small eyes.I felt a little embarrassed and gave him a shy smile.This was our first meeting.Soon my bus came and so after one more look at him i boarded the bus.That day my classes seemed not that boring nor the teacher seemed to talk 'blah blah'.For the first time i listened attentively in the class in that whole year.After that i met him every day.While i was on my way to the bus stop he would join me from his morning walk.As advised by the doctor he has to walk atleast an hour each day. After i board the bus he would turn around the corner of the street and go.The more i got to know him the more curious i was.He seemed to have solutions to all my problems.Whenever i feel dull and moody i talk to him and my spirits lightens up.We discuss about all the things under the sun-plants,animals,birds,roads, even Indian politics and elections!.Whenever i complained about my mother he would console me and say "you're grown up now.Your mother excepts you to be a bit more responsible.Keeping your things and your room clean is not a very big task.Try to understand your mother and obey her .you are good and smart and everything is going to be ok for you".Yes,everything came out well for me. I slowly got back my self confidence.Fights with mom was no longer a daily routine.Itold my mother about my new friend.But as i had expected she didn't approve of it.For her strangers whether old or young ,men or women are enemies.They are dangerous.She gave me an half an lecture about strangers laying down example and incidents and figuring them as criminals to me.I did not try to argue to with her,but i met my friend the next day too.Days passed,months passed.We met every day,talked every day.We became more and more friends each day.By the time exams were round the corner and for me chemistry was the most difficult subject.I was feeling very scared.But he encouraged me and told me not to lose heart.He helped me a lot with chemical equations by explaining the basic principles and theories. He pointed out many examples from the day to day life and many at times i was amazed by his practical knowledge Another occasion when he outwitted me was when i lost my pen.He was not an ordinary pen and a costly one too.It was there in my box when i started off from my house but was missing when i reached the school. I searched everywhere but in vain.I was down in my dumps.The next day when i met my my friend i was too depressed to talk to him .I told him about my loss and burst into tears.He cheered me up and said"Don't worry my girl,after all it's a pen.you're going to get it back soon.Now wipe of your tears ..be happy."Somehow i felt i was going to get my pen back.That day i slept peacefully.The next day i met him he was beaming.He held up something in his hand.I couln't believe my eyes.It was my lost pen!. "I found your pen lying on the roadside.See..i told you, you are going to get it back..don't you worry about this again..."He beamed at me.I couldn't control my excitement.I really jumped with joy.I was full of gratitude that i couldn't speak for some time.But, back at school i had my own doubts."How did uncle get my pen?.He said that it was lying on the roadside.Hundreds of people walk through that road. How could it be lying there without being noticed by anyone but uncle."I took the pen out and had a close look at it.Suddenly it dawned on me .It was a brand new pen.He had actually bought a new pen for me,to make make me happy,to cheer me.This time too he outwitted me. The results of my exams were published.I had scored a very high percentage for chemistry.My parents and teachers were very happy.I was happy too.I wanted to say this to uncle so badly..How happy he would be.somehow the day got over and the next day i went eagerly to the bus stop to met him.But he didn't join me on my way nor was he there at the bus stop.I was confused and at the same time i was so excited to break the news to him. somebody at the bus stop told me" are you waiting for that old man?.He died yesterday night at 8'o'clock . He had an heart attack they say".I felt someone had given me some hard blows on my head.I could hardly believe my ears.'Nonsense!'i thought.How can he die just like that.I had met him yesterday also. He seemed so cheerful and happy.I was trying to be optimistic.I was reassuring myself.I could feel my eyes filling with tears.I bit my lips.At that moment i saw the bus approaching.How can i go to cl;ass without telling him the news.I was sure he would be waiting for me to come.He won't go anywhere without hearing this news from me.I am not going anywhere without meeting him.I turned round the corner to go to his house.The bus brushed past me.

[THIS IS NOT A REAL LIFE INCIDENT.THIS IS A STORY I GOT PUBLISHED WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL]

Zzzzz....Sleep..

If there is anything in the world I am an expert at, then I would call it sleeping…over the years of listening to boring lectures and friends rambling on for hours about their problems I have finally mastered the skill….I first took sleeping seriously the day I read in an health magazine that it does good for our health…wow.. If such an enjoyable task would mean that am walking to good health then why not do it more often?…that’s how I started sleeping(always…)It has now become an integral part of my life…lecturers come and go.. They say the same things in the text over and over again with no visual aid at all…They do this for an entire hour…finally I got so frustrated that I went to sleep…and when I got up there was always a new lecturer standing in front of me.. a change always helps…friends sometime call me and they go on and on for hours.. they don’t even want to hear my reply…and then I again went to sleep…when I get up they must have already finished what they had to ramble on and they wouldn’t have even missed or even realized my mental absence.. and thanks to the newly found hobby-sleep…

When sleep became an inseparable element of my life I started experimenting with it. New products, discoveries and popular inventions are always part of boredom. Some people might be frowning as they read this. May be you are not getting my point.. See, Newton found gravity. I am asking why? Why did he find it and not any one else around him? Simply because others around him had lots of work but Newton was bored.. So when an apple fell on his head instead of eating it and saving us from the burden of studying his laws in physics, he chose to think why? So.. what were we talking about? Yeah.. my experiments with sleep (courtesy Mahatma Gandhi). When I got saturated with whole sleeping thing I started inventing new ways to do it. The other day I was travelling in a tightly packed bus waiting for it to explode or for my bones to break. When neither of it seems to be happening I started getting bored and fell asleep somewhere along the train of usual thoughts. Thus I discovered the art of sleeping in bus( standing).Experiments followed one after another. I learnt how to sleep with my eyes open in class, to sleep while listening to people talk nonsense, to sleep in front of books(especially the ones with equations), to sleep when a speech was being delivered by someone who forgot where he began.. the list of experiments is endless.

When the experiments were no longer giving me enough sleep I thought of watching others sleep. This part really contributed to my otherwise dull photograph collection. I watched people as they slept in bus their head oscillating and occasionally waking up with a jerk and looking around with wide googy eyes only to fall asleep the next very second. I saw bored boys trying hard to keep their eye lids from falling while listening to their “girl friends” talk non-stop about how cute an insect she saw the other day was. I watched mouths going wide open which would have even made the great anaconda leave the scene in shame, heads banging against windows, walls or yet another sleepy head. Hmm.. yawn.. I gotta sleep..what was I trying to say all this while??Zzzzzz

My Graduation Day.....

That is my class..we spend around 3years together...



That is my friend Boolu and myself..We were friends from day1 of college..we dont have much in common except that we both have exceptionally round faces...She is a brainy..Well..am more of the fun loving kind..



well..that is a part of us...



that is another part..together we form 6 of us...that is my gang..No 2 of us in our gang is same..we are not even similiar..well i always think that is what keeps us together...each of us has a story to tell...

Concept of God...when i was God...

God..not a very alien word I guess…a word in fact used at the beginning of every exclamation by many…you must be wondering what is this lady planning to say? well…i just thought of redefining it my way…so....what is exactly “your way?” you must be wondering….for most people I have met god is a supernatural power, the creator of this world, indefinable (well…thats easy definition..)..for some its just a myth, for some answers to their prayer and for me itz quite different from all these….

Have you ever thought of being god to someone? yeah.. you heard that right…we all pry to God.. but what if someone thought u were God.. just like that...blindly...what do you do? freak out? take advantage? well…am not kidding here…someone did think of me as god…

It was just one of those days…me getting up late, swinging the college bag(be glad I have one..) over my shoulder I ran at top speed to the nearest bus stop(1 km away…)..i reached not on time.. but still may be late by a minute or two…i looked everywhere…couldnt find any of my bus buddies…may be they all are late…and the bus too…why cant that be true even once? i didn’t know what to do..(I did think of calling them. but how can I when I have conveniently forgotten my purse..)..ok.,..i don’t carry a mobile around…we can discuss about that in another episode…just then, some voice from behind me announced that my bus left just before I reached the bus stop..the owner of the voice was not a handsome macho as I had expected…no..he barely looked like a man to me…early man? well that’s more close…he was sitting as if he was in a Indian toilet…his clothes were so brown I could hardly make out out the true colors…may be he had grey hair if the tangled fibre on top of his head was hair…wow…what a reliable source to get the information about my bus…!!!trust me, am not trying to be rude here…that was exactly what I saw..i gave him a faint smile and tried to catch an auto…not that I forgot about my forgotten purse…I could always borrow from the college watch man…(no..he is not my boyfriend…he just happens to be very helpful)..well…the early man was right...i had missed my bus…it left just before I crash landed on the stop-the back seaters announced..

The story would have ended here in normal circumstances and if it had I wouldn’t have bothered to bring it up here…yeah…so it didn’t end there...i did see him the next day…he smiled…a smile I will never forget...a smile which came from the heart…the smile which defines innocence ..so genuine...a smile which we least expect from an early man…I did try to smile back…but I always stopped myself half way through...i don’t know…must be the difference in the social status…I could never acknowledge him as somebody I knew at all…well…what does he know? he could return to the forest any time when he got tired of this….whatever he called this wandering into the public…

Once he caught me off guard…he came and stood in front of me..(hmm..early man who can stand straight..)he smiled and said he just had tea and pointed to the tea shop across the road….i didn’t speak a word…I just gave a weak smile…i didn’t want him to continue speaking…i was already sick of seeing those teeth…he just casually went away…this continued…which? not him walking away…but him coming and talking to me wat he wanted to say…out of the blue and then going away without even waiting for a response…he had a family I leant(hmm…so not a early man..)..he cleaned schools, toilets, cars to earn a living…not a very exciting profile…slowly..very slowly..i loosened up..my half smiles became full ones…I nodded when he spoke..i listened..i observed his mannerisms. but still..never spoke a word…I didn’t see him every day..but most of the days he spoke to me before he left for tea or cleaning or just the usual sitting…wen he spoke, my friends just remained quiet..they never asked me anything about this..i was happy abt it..i didn’t now what explanation to give…

One day I saw him coming towards me crossing the road…he didn’t see me watching..he was concentrating on his “bidi”…the moment he saw me watching..he threw the thing out of his mouth..he looked so guilty..he came to me and said that he was not a regular smoker and he wouldn’t do it if it pisses me off….i didn’t even ask him for an explanation..as if not smoking would actually improve the way he was looking…wat did this man think of me as?his mom?his dumb girl friend(Christ…I couldn’t even finish that thought..)…as if he heard me thinking..he told me that I was his devi(which means goddess for hindus..)that was an option I didn’t consider..that was a rare hit..he said” you are my devi..your smile makes my day..it gives me so much peace..it helps me start my day…child,you are blessed..” I will never forget those words…how often does one get to hear that?

Years went by…four years of engineering is no big joke…seminars,assignments,projects,exams and exams all over again…there has been times when I really thought I will burn down my college..but I had my share of fun too…friends,outings,crushes,picnics….meanwhile I went on with my role as devi never having to do much..i just had to smile and if it meant making a person’s day why not do it….one day when I met him all his toes were bandaged and some even swollen and yellow..eeew…it was a sight…I looked at him with disgust and an expression that said “what the hell happened???”he told me while he was sleeping on the road side a car went over his toes..he was just glad he had ten of them..he hadn’t gone for his work for about a week…he had become so thin his body would easily slip thru his shirt…disgust got replaced with sympathy..i don’t know wat I felt..but to see him smile with all those toes crushed made me uncomfortable…may be the better word is sad…out of a moments impulse I took out a ten rupee note and gave him.man..you should have seen his face…I thought he would cry…his eyes welled up so fast..he just kept looking at me..finally he did something I would never forget..he closely held the note between his folded hands and bowed in front of me…holy jesus!..the whole scene was so dramatic..to ease the moment I just smiled…he didn’t say anything..just went away…two days after he came to with lot of coins and it counted up to 5 rupees and fifty paise…he was trying to repay I think…those must have been my first word to him..i told him to keep it..i just told him that I didn’t give him the money expecting it back…

When my course ended I had no reason to be at the bus stop everyday….but whenever I pass by that place I do look for him…just seeing him sitting there makes me feel am heading life in the right direction…to him an ordinary girl who couldn’t even avoid missing the bus, who for got her purse,who never carried a mobile in the 21^st century was god….for him god was no supernatural, no creater, no myth….for god was that smile which gave him courage to move forward with life everyday,for him god was wat gave him a 10 rupee note without even asking when he needed it so badly…that’s my definition of god…the early man’s definition…

what's next?

So her is another post after a long gap.Lets call it vacation.I was literally busy.Busy as in i had no time for anything.All i knew was that i was busy.4 years of engineering gets over next month.everybody asks me the question-so whats next?

[to be continued]

BUTTER CHICKEN

Butter Chicken recipe
Description
Ingredients
For Marinate,
800 grams of chicken cut into pieces (preferably boneless)
1 tablespoon(s) slightly sour yoghurt (optional)
1 tablespoon(s) vinegar or lemon juice
1 teaspoon(s) each of coriander, cumin and red chilli powders
1 onion chopped and made into a paste (optional)
2 teaspoon(s) each of ginger, garlic pastes
salt to taste
a few drops of edible orange-red color (optional)
For the Gravy
4 large tomatoes chopped
4 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon(s) fresh cream
1 teaspoon(s) each of coriander, cumin, red chilli and black pepper powders
2 teaspoon(s) each of finely chopped ginger and green chillies salt and
sugar to taste
melted butter, fresh cream and finely chopped coriander leaves for garnishing
Preparation
Heat half the butter on medium level in a heavy-bottomed pan and put in the chicken along with the marinade. cover and cook for about 25 minute(s) or till the chicken is fully cooked. After the liquids have evaporated, stir fry the chicken for some time in the residual fat. Heat the remaining butter in a saucepan and add the red chilli, coriander, cumin and black pepper powders. Fry for a few seconds. Add the chopped tomatoes, sugar, salt and cook uncovered on medium level for about 7 minutes till the puree thickens and the fat separates. Stir in the beaten cream and reduce the heat to low. Add the chicken, chopped ginger and green chillies to the simmering gravy. Sprinkle salt to taste if needed. Mix well. Cover and simmer on low heat for about 10 minutes or till the curry is thoroughly heated through. Just before serving pour melted butter over the curry. Garnish with a swirl of fresh cream and finely chopped coriander leaves.