Concept of God...when i was God...

God..not a very alien word I guess…a word in fact used at the beginning of every exclamation by many…you must be wondering what is this lady planning to say? well…i just thought of redefining it my way…so....what is exactly “your way?” you must be wondering….for most people I have met god is a supernatural power, the creator of this world, indefinable (well…thats easy definition..)..for some its just a myth, for some answers to their prayer and for me itz quite different from all these….

Have you ever thought of being god to someone? yeah.. you heard that right…we all pry to God.. but what if someone thought u were God.. just like that...blindly...what do you do? freak out? take advantage? well…am not kidding here…someone did think of me as god…

It was just one of those days…me getting up late, swinging the college bag(be glad I have one..) over my shoulder I ran at top speed to the nearest bus stop(1 km away…)..i reached not on time.. but still may be late by a minute or two…i looked everywhere…couldnt find any of my bus buddies…may be they all are late…and the bus too…why cant that be true even once? i didn’t know what to do..(I did think of calling them. but how can I when I have conveniently forgotten my purse..)..ok.,..i don’t carry a mobile around…we can discuss about that in another episode…just then, some voice from behind me announced that my bus left just before I reached the bus stop..the owner of the voice was not a handsome macho as I had expected…no..he barely looked like a man to me…early man? well that’s more close…he was sitting as if he was in a Indian toilet…his clothes were so brown I could hardly make out out the true colors…may be he had grey hair if the tangled fibre on top of his head was hair…wow…what a reliable source to get the information about my bus…!!!trust me, am not trying to be rude here…that was exactly what I saw..i gave him a faint smile and tried to catch an auto…not that I forgot about my forgotten purse…I could always borrow from the college watch man…(no..he is not my boyfriend…he just happens to be very helpful)..well…the early man was right...i had missed my bus…it left just before I crash landed on the stop-the back seaters announced..

The story would have ended here in normal circumstances and if it had I wouldn’t have bothered to bring it up here…yeah…so it didn’t end there...i did see him the next day…he smiled…a smile I will never forget...a smile which came from the heart…the smile which defines innocence ..so genuine...a smile which we least expect from an early man…I did try to smile back…but I always stopped myself half way through...i don’t know…must be the difference in the social status…I could never acknowledge him as somebody I knew at all…well…what does he know? he could return to the forest any time when he got tired of this….whatever he called this wandering into the public…

Once he caught me off guard…he came and stood in front of me..(hmm..early man who can stand straight..)he smiled and said he just had tea and pointed to the tea shop across the road….i didn’t speak a word…I just gave a weak smile…i didn’t want him to continue speaking…i was already sick of seeing those teeth…he just casually went away…this continued…which? not him walking away…but him coming and talking to me wat he wanted to say…out of the blue and then going away without even waiting for a response…he had a family I leant(hmm…so not a early man..)..he cleaned schools, toilets, cars to earn a living…not a very exciting profile…slowly..very slowly..i loosened up..my half smiles became full ones…I nodded when he spoke..i listened..i observed his mannerisms. but still..never spoke a word…I didn’t see him every day..but most of the days he spoke to me before he left for tea or cleaning or just the usual sitting…wen he spoke, my friends just remained quiet..they never asked me anything about this..i was happy abt it..i didn’t now what explanation to give…

One day I saw him coming towards me crossing the road…he didn’t see me watching..he was concentrating on his “bidi”…the moment he saw me watching..he threw the thing out of his mouth..he looked so guilty..he came to me and said that he was not a regular smoker and he wouldn’t do it if it pisses me off….i didn’t even ask him for an explanation..as if not smoking would actually improve the way he was looking…wat did this man think of me as?his mom?his dumb girl friend(Christ…I couldn’t even finish that thought..)…as if he heard me thinking..he told me that I was his devi(which means goddess for hindus..)that was an option I didn’t consider..that was a rare hit..he said” you are my devi..your smile makes my day..it gives me so much peace..it helps me start my day…child,you are blessed..” I will never forget those words…how often does one get to hear that?

Years went by…four years of engineering is no big joke…seminars,assignments,projects,exams and exams all over again…there has been times when I really thought I will burn down my college..but I had my share of fun too…friends,outings,crushes,picnics….meanwhile I went on with my role as devi never having to do much..i just had to smile and if it meant making a person’s day why not do it….one day when I met him all his toes were bandaged and some even swollen and yellow..eeew…it was a sight…I looked at him with disgust and an expression that said “what the hell happened???”he told me while he was sleeping on the road side a car went over his toes..he was just glad he had ten of them..he hadn’t gone for his work for about a week…he had become so thin his body would easily slip thru his shirt…disgust got replaced with sympathy..i don’t know wat I felt..but to see him smile with all those toes crushed made me uncomfortable…may be the better word is sad…out of a moments impulse I took out a ten rupee note and gave him.man..you should have seen his face…I thought he would cry…his eyes welled up so fast..he just kept looking at me..finally he did something I would never forget..he closely held the note between his folded hands and bowed in front of me…holy jesus!..the whole scene was so dramatic..to ease the moment I just smiled…he didn’t say anything..just went away…two days after he came to with lot of coins and it counted up to 5 rupees and fifty paise…he was trying to repay I think…those must have been my first word to him..i told him to keep it..i just told him that I didn’t give him the money expecting it back…

When my course ended I had no reason to be at the bus stop everyday….but whenever I pass by that place I do look for him…just seeing him sitting there makes me feel am heading life in the right direction…to him an ordinary girl who couldn’t even avoid missing the bus, who for got her purse,who never carried a mobile in the 21^st century was god….for him god was no supernatural, no creater, no myth….for god was that smile which gave him courage to move forward with life everyday,for him god was wat gave him a 10 rupee note without even asking when he needed it so badly…that’s my definition of god…the early man’s definition…