Daisies...

Sigh…yet another January 13th…I always felt if I could survive this day then what happened the rest of the year never mattered.. the nearest church from here is about 3 miles away and it is only on this day that I ever go there…why, i don’t have anything else to ask the lord.. he took away the soul of my life…but somehow I always have this tiniest hope which keeps me going…

Daisies were never my favourite.. i always loved roses…but today daisies fill my garden…I don’t know.. just the thought of these happy flowers makes me feel am not alone…I took out my poem book from the top shelf.. i have had this for years.. i had the habit of sitting in the cemetery all by myself and writing about anything and everything under the sun.. my favourite place was always by a black granite piece surrounded by daisies.. on it was written Mellissa George- born on 1955…I let her rest in peace while I continued with my writing… “so cemetery must be an awfully good place to write I guess.. so how co operative are they? I mean these ghosts and all…”. For a minute I was even scared to look up to see who was speaking….but I will never forget that first sight of him…its still there in my mind so vivid..so clear..as if it just happened yesterday… I tried to smile..but his eyes were so mesmerising.. I just sat there looking at him like an idiot…”So you are deaf eh? Or is it because you prefer ghosts to humans..just asked because you have been staring at me for quite some time time now…” he said and he laughed…wow..what was he? Was I looking at some greek god?wait a minute..was he laughing at me? How long has I been staring at him? The sudden realisation of this made me blush. I grabbed my bag and some of the papers which were lying around me and walked away in top speed.

“hey!..” I heard him shout.I didn’t look back..i just kept walking away fast..I didn’t dare to go back for a week and then it was Sunday again…I bunked church again and went to my usual spot..back to Mellissa George..I wondered how she must have looked and how she died..i ran my finger over her named carved on the stone…

”so you are back..thought you will never return when I didn’t see you for a week…”
oh..my..not him again…the hypnotizer..pied piper..hmm..what did he want? I looked at the papers in his hand…papers?what?they were mine..i looked at him…
”I didn’t steal it or anything..you left it here…you act awfully dump for a person who writes such excellent poems..”
“why do you care anyway? Just give them back to me..” I blurted out..i could feel that usual blush growing from the back of my neck…i was praying he wouldn’t notice it.
“you are sitting on my mother and you are asking me why do I care?way to go, young lady!”
“Mellissa George is your mother?I am so sorry..i didn’t know..i didn’t mean to sit on her..i mean on her grave…I mean that's my church..you can keep the papers…how is your mother?”…stop talking..stop right now..the voices in my head were shouting in chorus. To my surprise he was laughing.. really laughing..what was he?an angel?God’s most perfect creation?

“don’t get me wrong here..am not laughing at you..its just that your expressions are so comical that I cant help laughing..by the way..am Stephen George”..pause..silence for like 20 seconds..”now will be the time when you say something”..
I smiled..he always made me smile…his witty answers, quick comments and passionate nature…I loved every bit of him…and still do…I wonder if he does too…he used to..i knew that…what would he have said if he saw me dreaming over my old poem collection..his favorite collection…hmmm..

We met every day after that.. every day for a whole summer. I cannot remember another time when I must have enjoyed so much. It was a whole month. He used to love my poems. And ever since I met him they were mostly about him. I couldn’t think of a better subject to write about. He loved daisies, his mom and me….he taught me how to drive, to see things the way it should be seen and many many things I never even knew till then. I have never seen him worry. He never allowed me to. Every day he had something to surprise me with..i loved every moment spent with him..and then it was time for him to go back…may be that was the first time I saw a crease on his forehead….we promised to write and write we did for 3 years.. I never told about him or this relation to anybody..afraid that I might just lose it or just wake up from this very sweet dream…he wrote about everything…the new job he got in the advertising firm, the new bike he bought( we selected the color together..), about talking to his father about me….he told me he will come and take me home with him…he was getting his new home ready…he wanted to surprise me….and then all of a sudden we lost touch…I wrote and wrote and there never came a reply…I waited for 3 whole months and I was literally going crazy….did he forget me? Was this all a dream? Was there somebody else? What do I do? Did I do anything wrong? And then after a couple more months I got a mail from his father…he had found my address from Stephen’s diary…I remember my vision going blurred after reading the mail…I remember waking up in the hospital…I remember crying for a year..lost my job..lost touch with the world…I remember praying not to lose my sanity…I remember going numb in life..i remember colors fading…I remember daisies..his favorites..i remember that summer…his love..

Later I was sent his personal diary and the keys to his unfinished new house…his dream….in it was written a vivid description of his dream he had…his new house, surrounded by daisies, a small bell outside the cottage, with me waiting for him to return…I finished his house, we have the daisies, the bell that nobody has touched so far and here I am waiting…if only he returned..if only he could…
I gave up trying to accept the fact that he is no more. May be no more in this world..but he will be there forever in my heart…and I am still waiting..

[Some extra information my readers might be interested in: The outline of this story was spun some years back for my best friend under some circumstances...For all those who wish for a different ending, keep coming back to this blog..there is one coming up for you.. :)]

My Experiences with the teeth

I jumped up when I heard the door bell ringing. I was nearing the climax of a detective novel. I threw the book aside and went to answer the door. Now who in the world is this? Her face seemed so familiar , but..then it suddenly dawned on me..”jenny!” I screamed and we hugged each other and we laughed and I invited her in. jenny had changed a lot. She looked so different from how she had when she left school. I just couldn’t point out what made her so different. The same hairstyle, same eyes, nose, beautiful smile..wait a minute! Did I say beautiful smile?? When she was in school she was popular for her so called “Dracula teeth”. Now here she was sitting next to me with shinning white teeth all set in a beautiful straight row. I was green with jealousy as I listened to her boast about the number of boyfriends she had in college. After she left I ran upstairs to my room and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at my features one by one very closely and after about half an hour of close examination from different angles I made a great discovery. I had just then found the answers to all my major problems( which included why I didn’t have a single boy friend when people around me had three or four). My teeth was my problem. Not only were they large, they were “outstanding” too ( by which I mean standing out of my mouth). How could I have not noticed it till now? Why didn’t anyone point it out to me? At least my parents could have given me a hint. As soon my mother reached home I told her about my latest discovery. After giving her an hour’s lecture on the defects of my teeth I came to the point which I had to present before her. I wanted to put braces on my teeth and they have to look perfect before I enter my new course. Though my mother disagreed to the whole matter in the beginning, after a week long strike and satyagraha she finally agreed.

It was then after a day or two that my elder cousin sister decided to stay with me for a month. To my surprise she too had decided to put on braces. And that is how I got to witness the entire series of torture that was awaiting me…

On our way to the dentist she made me sick with her boasting(non-stop). What did she think of herself? She thinks her teeth is her only defect and once that is all put in right order she would look exactly like Aishwarya Rai. I felt like stuffing some cotton into my ears( though easier and soothing would have been into her mouth). An hour of waiting outside the doctor’s cabin almost drove me crazy. And after two long hours we met the doctor. There were two of them. Both had very serious expression on their faces. I had a sudden dislike to one of them. I know why. He closely resembled my maths teacher in school and since he has not gifted me any pleasant memories I couldn’t help hating him. My cousin climbed into a very high seat and the doctor’s poured their head into her mouth. What happened next was a series of incidents that somewhat looked like scenes from a wrestling competition. Hammer, plier, syringes one by one each found its way to my cousins mouth. By now she was screaming loudly. The doctors were trying to pull not one or two but 4 large teeth out of her. They were pulling the teeth as if in the middle of some tug of war. Blood was dripping from her mouth. I felt dizzy and my view was becoming blurred. I ran out of the nearest exit I saw. When I came to my normal state , the cabin door opened and my cousin or I rather say someone who looked like her came out. Honestly speaking she looked uglier than ever. Her mouth was filled with cotton soaked in blood and her makeup was smeared in tears. Her hair looked as if she had received a shock. That day she didn’t eat anything or I better say she couldn’t eat anything for a week. She lived on liquid food. All my irritation towards her slowly melted away. I was filled with sympathy and pity for her though I never knew then that worse was in store for her.

This time I let her go inside the cabin alone. I chose to sit in the waiting room. Why should I scare myself ? I don’t know why but I have always felt a doctor’s cabin isn’t a great place to explore. I chewed through the magazines kept there (twice). I was nearly falling asleep( as usual) when the door clicked open. Then something that looked like an extra territorial emerged from it. I craned my neck to see where my cousin was. “fan-fe-fo?”it said. “ what!” I suddenly realized this so called alien was my cousin. I could hardly make out what she was trying to say. Her face was pale and mouth filled with steel fences that went zig-zag and it was all decorated with colourful rubber bands. She was so tired and weak that she couldn’t even stand straight. I stood there rooted as if I was seeing a ghost image of her or something. By the time we reached home she was running a very high temperature. The doctors prescribed a handful of medicines for her all of which looked like bullets to me. She could barely eat anything. All this worried me so much.

What is teeth for if you can’t eat anything? I don’t think all this pain is worth the result. After she went back to the hostel I re examined my teeth again. May be they stand out a little. May be they are not so perfect or arranged perfectly in a row. May be I wont get to be popular in college. But who cares? My teeth weren’t an issue to me any more. Thus ended my experiences with teeth.

CROSS ROAD

A whole lot of memories rush into my mind as I sit relaxed on my arm chair at this age of 70. it’s a fine evening. I can feel the cool evening breeze brushing past me. I feel contented and happy. When I take a look at my past life I get a feeling of satisfaction of having led a successful one. I have had many ups and downs, sweet and bitter memories and experiences. But I still remember clearly a time when I had stood perplexed and confused not knowing what to do, whom to ask for an advice and what decision to make. It was like standing in front of a crossroad not knowing which way to turn to as I had the least idea where these may lead me to…

It happened many many years back. It was one of those cold winter mornings. I was lying in bed in the company cottage. From my young age itself computers had been a craze for me and so I had passed my software engineering with flying colors. But finding a job was not as easy as I had imagined. Nothing seemed to satisfy me nor the thrill I was looking forward to. I kept changing posts, shifting companies and was never stable at any place. It was then that I received the card telling me that I was selected as a trainee to one of india’s top companies in Bangalore. Of course, it was a big achievement for a boy in his mid twenties to be selected for such a good post. I felt very happy and light inside. Everything around me seemed full of life. Life suddenly felt very beautiful. Every single leaf of the tree, every morning dew on flowers seemed happy. Within one week I left for the garden city.

I was cock-sure about my success during the training period. So with my heart filled with hopes I went to meet the manager. It was then that I came to know that there was one more person competing for the same job. My heart sank when I heard this. I suddenly felt fear curbing me. So, after all things were not going to be easy. I went to the company cottage with a disturbed mind.

Now, almost an entire month was over and my opponent had not yet arrived. He had almost missed a major part of the training period. The fear in be began ebbing out. Suddenly I heard the door bell ringing. I lazily got out of bed and opened the door. A man in mid forties. He was very plainly dressed. He had a suitcase in his hand. He introduced himself as Subramanyan from Kerala. I stood there rooted to the ground. The man in front of me was my opponent or rather, my rival. We were to stay together. Even though he showed interest in talking to me, I never bothered to even look at him. I was treating him as my enemy.

Day by day he was proving himself to be better than me. He looked so dignified in his uniform. Even qualification wise he was one step ahead of me. The competition was becoming tougher. I in all means tried to please the manager and the top management. I submitted my projects with full sincerity. I was really working hard. But as months passed I began getting used to his ways. While I played badminton in the morning he used to get himself occupied with his yoga. I got used to seeing him eating curd and rice every day, doing his pooja and writing long letters home. I liked his way of taking things lightly and his sense of humour. But the thing that I liked most was his beautiful innocent smile coming from the depth of his heart.

Now, there was only one more month left for the training course to get over. The job was almost sure for me as Subramanyan had failed to attend the first one month. I was happy and proud of myself. I was looking forward to the end of the month. One evening as usual subramanyan and me went out for our evening walk. The sky was light red and cool breeze was blowing. My friend was lost in some thoughts I was feeling uneasy and disturbed for no reason at all. After a long period of complete silence he began to speak” why didn’t you ask me about my absence during the first one month?”. I remained silent. I looked at his face. He was looking down. I could feel his heart was throbbing to tell me something. He continued speaking. “ my father had passed away. Being a Brahmin boy, I had to do all the rituals and that occupied me for a whole month. My father had died drowning me in debts. Within two months the bank will take over my house. I really don’t know where I will take my wife and children to. You must be wondering why I am boring you with all my troubles”.

Actually I was. I was feeling pity and sorry for him. But I still didn’t understand why he was telling me this now. We usually never talked about our families and so I knew nothing about him. “if I get this job all my financial problems will come to an end. Now I am really in need of some money. I will never come across a good opportunity like this again. But then… ” his voiced trailed of. Now I clearly understood what he meant. He was looking at me. There was hope in his eyes. But my heart was aching inside me. “please…I know I shouldn’t be asking you this. But please think of the situation I am in. I have no other go. I have a whole family to feed and support. I am nearly begging you..”

That night we had a very silent dinner and that I couldn’t get a wink of sleep. I kept thinking about what he told me. He had really put me in front of a cross road. Subramanyan was badly in need of a job. He needed it more than me. Almost half of his life has been wasted in poverty and tears. This job would gift him a new life. Even ability wise I knew he was better than me. I knew he would do the job sincerely and would lift the company to heights. But still…what about my dreams, my hard work, my pain, my future. i had looked forward to this job so much.why should I sacrifice my dreams for a stranger. And after all who knows if he is saying the truth or not. But what if he was? Then my heart will be filled with guilt and his curse would haunt me for ever. I didn’t even know anyone in this place to ask for an advice.

It was the last day of my training period. That morning I got up early and left for the company. I placed my resignation letter on the manager’s desk. I knew my dreams were all shattered and hopes in vain. I never saw or heard of Subramanyan after that. Luck favoured me and I got a new job. Though not as good as the previous one, I was happy and content. I was so successful in every phase of my life. I never had to regret or look back. May be it was for my own good that I took that decision that day or be it is because I believe there is one innocent man constantly praying for me every day..

[THIS IS JUST A STORY]

My special friend..

It has been only an year since we first met.But to me it seems i know him for years.To me he was not just a friend but my best friend,my loving companion who had always filled me with hopes and confidence.

I first met him one saturday morning.I had rushed out of my house for tutions as usual after a big fight with mom. I had been fired for getting up late,for keeping my room in such untidy condition.(To my mom my cupboard seems as if a tornado has passed through it),for not finishing my breakfast, for not keeping my books clean,for not polishing my shoes.....the list goes endless.Even though i know i am at fault,i keep protesting ,arguing and shouting.. All our fights end in big shouts and i grab my books and jump out of my house.Hurrying towards the bus stop i was analyzing the incidents. "why am i like this?am i the only teenager who has problems with their parents?why am i so absent minded?i have got all the tutions in the world and yet there is no improvement in acadamics.Everything the teacher says seems 'blah!blah!'for me and the tutions are so boring that i feel like sleeping.Suddenly i heard a chuckling sound from behind. "Did you finish talking to yourself?".Someone asked and i turned around.There stood an old man round about 75 years of age.Not one strand of his hair was black.He was short ,fat but with a chubby face.He had a very sweet innocent smile that filled his small eyes.I felt a little embarrassed and gave him a shy smile.This was our first meeting.Soon my bus came and so after one more look at him i boarded the bus.That day my classes seemed not that boring nor the teacher seemed to talk 'blah blah'.For the first time i listened attentively in the class in that whole year.After that i met him every day.While i was on my way to the bus stop he would join me from his morning walk.As advised by the doctor he has to walk atleast an hour each day. After i board the bus he would turn around the corner of the street and go.The more i got to know him the more curious i was.He seemed to have solutions to all my problems.Whenever i feel dull and moody i talk to him and my spirits lightens up.We discuss about all the things under the sun-plants,animals,birds,roads, even Indian politics and elections!.Whenever i complained about my mother he would console me and say "you're grown up now.Your mother excepts you to be a bit more responsible.Keeping your things and your room clean is not a very big task.Try to understand your mother and obey her .you are good and smart and everything is going to be ok for you".Yes,everything came out well for me. I slowly got back my self confidence.Fights with mom was no longer a daily routine.Itold my mother about my new friend.But as i had expected she didn't approve of it.For her strangers whether old or young ,men or women are enemies.They are dangerous.She gave me an half an lecture about strangers laying down example and incidents and figuring them as criminals to me.I did not try to argue to with her,but i met my friend the next day too.Days passed,months passed.We met every day,talked every day.We became more and more friends each day.By the time exams were round the corner and for me chemistry was the most difficult subject.I was feeling very scared.But he encouraged me and told me not to lose heart.He helped me a lot with chemical equations by explaining the basic principles and theories. He pointed out many examples from the day to day life and many at times i was amazed by his practical knowledge Another occasion when he outwitted me was when i lost my pen.He was not an ordinary pen and a costly one too.It was there in my box when i started off from my house but was missing when i reached the school. I searched everywhere but in vain.I was down in my dumps.The next day when i met my my friend i was too depressed to talk to him .I told him about my loss and burst into tears.He cheered me up and said"Don't worry my girl,after all it's a pen.you're going to get it back soon.Now wipe of your tears ..be happy."Somehow i felt i was going to get my pen back.That day i slept peacefully.The next day i met him he was beaming.He held up something in his hand.I couln't believe my eyes.It was my lost pen!. "I found your pen lying on the roadside.See..i told you, you are going to get it back..don't you worry about this again..."He beamed at me.I couldn't control my excitement.I really jumped with joy.I was full of gratitude that i couldn't speak for some time.But, back at school i had my own doubts."How did uncle get my pen?.He said that it was lying on the roadside.Hundreds of people walk through that road. How could it be lying there without being noticed by anyone but uncle."I took the pen out and had a close look at it.Suddenly it dawned on me .It was a brand new pen.He had actually bought a new pen for me,to make make me happy,to cheer me.This time too he outwitted me. The results of my exams were published.I had scored a very high percentage for chemistry.My parents and teachers were very happy.I was happy too.I wanted to say this to uncle so badly..How happy he would be.somehow the day got over and the next day i went eagerly to the bus stop to met him.But he didn't join me on my way nor was he there at the bus stop.I was confused and at the same time i was so excited to break the news to him. somebody at the bus stop told me" are you waiting for that old man?.He died yesterday night at 8'o'clock . He had an heart attack they say".I felt someone had given me some hard blows on my head.I could hardly believe my ears.'Nonsense!'i thought.How can he die just like that.I had met him yesterday also. He seemed so cheerful and happy.I was trying to be optimistic.I was reassuring myself.I could feel my eyes filling with tears.I bit my lips.At that moment i saw the bus approaching.How can i go to cl;ass without telling him the news.I was sure he would be waiting for me to come.He won't go anywhere without hearing this news from me.I am not going anywhere without meeting him.I turned round the corner to go to his house.The bus brushed past me.

[THIS IS NOT A REAL LIFE INCIDENT.THIS IS A STORY I GOT PUBLISHED WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL]

Zzzzz....Sleep..

If there is anything in the world I am an expert at, then I would call it sleeping…over the years of listening to boring lectures and friends rambling on for hours about their problems I have finally mastered the skill….I first took sleeping seriously the day I read in an health magazine that it does good for our health…wow.. If such an enjoyable task would mean that am walking to good health then why not do it more often?…that’s how I started sleeping(always…)It has now become an integral part of my life…lecturers come and go.. They say the same things in the text over and over again with no visual aid at all…They do this for an entire hour…finally I got so frustrated that I went to sleep…and when I got up there was always a new lecturer standing in front of me.. a change always helps…friends sometime call me and they go on and on for hours.. they don’t even want to hear my reply…and then I again went to sleep…when I get up they must have already finished what they had to ramble on and they wouldn’t have even missed or even realized my mental absence.. and thanks to the newly found hobby-sleep…

When sleep became an inseparable element of my life I started experimenting with it. New products, discoveries and popular inventions are always part of boredom. Some people might be frowning as they read this. May be you are not getting my point.. See, Newton found gravity. I am asking why? Why did he find it and not any one else around him? Simply because others around him had lots of work but Newton was bored.. So when an apple fell on his head instead of eating it and saving us from the burden of studying his laws in physics, he chose to think why? So.. what were we talking about? Yeah.. my experiments with sleep (courtesy Mahatma Gandhi). When I got saturated with whole sleeping thing I started inventing new ways to do it. The other day I was travelling in a tightly packed bus waiting for it to explode or for my bones to break. When neither of it seems to be happening I started getting bored and fell asleep somewhere along the train of usual thoughts. Thus I discovered the art of sleeping in bus( standing).Experiments followed one after another. I learnt how to sleep with my eyes open in class, to sleep while listening to people talk nonsense, to sleep in front of books(especially the ones with equations), to sleep when a speech was being delivered by someone who forgot where he began.. the list of experiments is endless.

When the experiments were no longer giving me enough sleep I thought of watching others sleep. This part really contributed to my otherwise dull photograph collection. I watched people as they slept in bus their head oscillating and occasionally waking up with a jerk and looking around with wide googy eyes only to fall asleep the next very second. I saw bored boys trying hard to keep their eye lids from falling while listening to their “girl friends” talk non-stop about how cute an insect she saw the other day was. I watched mouths going wide open which would have even made the great anaconda leave the scene in shame, heads banging against windows, walls or yet another sleepy head. Hmm.. yawn.. I gotta sleep..what was I trying to say all this while??Zzzzzz

My Graduation Day.....

That is my class..we spend around 3years together...



That is my friend Boolu and myself..We were friends from day1 of college..we dont have much in common except that we both have exceptionally round faces...She is a brainy..Well..am more of the fun loving kind..



well..that is a part of us...



that is another part..together we form 6 of us...that is my gang..No 2 of us in our gang is same..we are not even similiar..well i always think that is what keeps us together...each of us has a story to tell...

Concept of God...when i was God...

God..not a very alien word I guess…a word in fact used at the beginning of every exclamation by many…you must be wondering what is this lady planning to say? well…i just thought of redefining it my way…so....what is exactly “your way?” you must be wondering….for most people I have met god is a supernatural power, the creator of this world, indefinable (well…thats easy definition..)..for some its just a myth, for some answers to their prayer and for me itz quite different from all these….

Have you ever thought of being god to someone? yeah.. you heard that right…we all pry to God.. but what if someone thought u were God.. just like that...blindly...what do you do? freak out? take advantage? well…am not kidding here…someone did think of me as god…

It was just one of those days…me getting up late, swinging the college bag(be glad I have one..) over my shoulder I ran at top speed to the nearest bus stop(1 km away…)..i reached not on time.. but still may be late by a minute or two…i looked everywhere…couldnt find any of my bus buddies…may be they all are late…and the bus too…why cant that be true even once? i didn’t know what to do..(I did think of calling them. but how can I when I have conveniently forgotten my purse..)..ok.,..i don’t carry a mobile around…we can discuss about that in another episode…just then, some voice from behind me announced that my bus left just before I reached the bus stop..the owner of the voice was not a handsome macho as I had expected…no..he barely looked like a man to me…early man? well that’s more close…he was sitting as if he was in a Indian toilet…his clothes were so brown I could hardly make out out the true colors…may be he had grey hair if the tangled fibre on top of his head was hair…wow…what a reliable source to get the information about my bus…!!!trust me, am not trying to be rude here…that was exactly what I saw..i gave him a faint smile and tried to catch an auto…not that I forgot about my forgotten purse…I could always borrow from the college watch man…(no..he is not my boyfriend…he just happens to be very helpful)..well…the early man was right...i had missed my bus…it left just before I crash landed on the stop-the back seaters announced..

The story would have ended here in normal circumstances and if it had I wouldn’t have bothered to bring it up here…yeah…so it didn’t end there...i did see him the next day…he smiled…a smile I will never forget...a smile which came from the heart…the smile which defines innocence ..so genuine...a smile which we least expect from an early man…I did try to smile back…but I always stopped myself half way through...i don’t know…must be the difference in the social status…I could never acknowledge him as somebody I knew at all…well…what does he know? he could return to the forest any time when he got tired of this….whatever he called this wandering into the public…

Once he caught me off guard…he came and stood in front of me..(hmm..early man who can stand straight..)he smiled and said he just had tea and pointed to the tea shop across the road….i didn’t speak a word…I just gave a weak smile…i didn’t want him to continue speaking…i was already sick of seeing those teeth…he just casually went away…this continued…which? not him walking away…but him coming and talking to me wat he wanted to say…out of the blue and then going away without even waiting for a response…he had a family I leant(hmm…so not a early man..)..he cleaned schools, toilets, cars to earn a living…not a very exciting profile…slowly..very slowly..i loosened up..my half smiles became full ones…I nodded when he spoke..i listened..i observed his mannerisms. but still..never spoke a word…I didn’t see him every day..but most of the days he spoke to me before he left for tea or cleaning or just the usual sitting…wen he spoke, my friends just remained quiet..they never asked me anything about this..i was happy abt it..i didn’t now what explanation to give…

One day I saw him coming towards me crossing the road…he didn’t see me watching..he was concentrating on his “bidi”…the moment he saw me watching..he threw the thing out of his mouth..he looked so guilty..he came to me and said that he was not a regular smoker and he wouldn’t do it if it pisses me off….i didn’t even ask him for an explanation..as if not smoking would actually improve the way he was looking…wat did this man think of me as?his mom?his dumb girl friend(Christ…I couldn’t even finish that thought..)…as if he heard me thinking..he told me that I was his devi(which means goddess for hindus..)that was an option I didn’t consider..that was a rare hit..he said” you are my devi..your smile makes my day..it gives me so much peace..it helps me start my day…child,you are blessed..” I will never forget those words…how often does one get to hear that?

Years went by…four years of engineering is no big joke…seminars,assignments,projects,exams and exams all over again…there has been times when I really thought I will burn down my college..but I had my share of fun too…friends,outings,crushes,picnics….meanwhile I went on with my role as devi never having to do much..i just had to smile and if it meant making a person’s day why not do it….one day when I met him all his toes were bandaged and some even swollen and yellow..eeew…it was a sight…I looked at him with disgust and an expression that said “what the hell happened???”he told me while he was sleeping on the road side a car went over his toes..he was just glad he had ten of them..he hadn’t gone for his work for about a week…he had become so thin his body would easily slip thru his shirt…disgust got replaced with sympathy..i don’t know wat I felt..but to see him smile with all those toes crushed made me uncomfortable…may be the better word is sad…out of a moments impulse I took out a ten rupee note and gave him.man..you should have seen his face…I thought he would cry…his eyes welled up so fast..he just kept looking at me..finally he did something I would never forget..he closely held the note between his folded hands and bowed in front of me…holy jesus!..the whole scene was so dramatic..to ease the moment I just smiled…he didn’t say anything..just went away…two days after he came to with lot of coins and it counted up to 5 rupees and fifty paise…he was trying to repay I think…those must have been my first word to him..i told him to keep it..i just told him that I didn’t give him the money expecting it back…

When my course ended I had no reason to be at the bus stop everyday….but whenever I pass by that place I do look for him…just seeing him sitting there makes me feel am heading life in the right direction…to him an ordinary girl who couldn’t even avoid missing the bus, who for got her purse,who never carried a mobile in the 21^st century was god….for him god was no supernatural, no creater, no myth….for god was that smile which gave him courage to move forward with life everyday,for him god was wat gave him a 10 rupee note without even asking when he needed it so badly…that’s my definition of god…the early man’s definition…

what's next?

So her is another post after a long gap.Lets call it vacation.I was literally busy.Busy as in i had no time for anything.All i knew was that i was busy.4 years of engineering gets over next month.everybody asks me the question-so whats next?

[to be continued]